“Watching to win the following:
A Fleshlight of the winner’s choice, donated by PinkCherry. I gave one away last year, but my boyfriend has found nothing better! The Fleshlight material is just superb, and the range of orifices and textures is dizzying.”

— Blogiversary giveaway: 2 years, 8 prizes! » Hey Epiphora [Fleshlight]

• Piquillo Pepper and Sardine Tartines
• Jerk Beef on Plantain Chips
• Baked Chicken Meatballs with Peperonata
• Shrimp and Andouille Pot Pies
• Cardamom Vanilla Pound Cake

Some of it, sounds good. But all of it? Yeesh!

Most Unappealing Product Name

It burns!

Maybe there was something lost in translation? We’re not sure, but the words “brain” and “ignite” should never go together, particularly with the image of a man screaming right below, as if to say, “Hey! I can feel it work-AAAAAAAAAGGHHHHH!”

via Woot : CES 2010: The Wootable Awards.

Most Awkward Use Of Comma

The Buyer’s Remorse, You Feel Later

via Woot : CES 2010: The Wootable Awards.

bad, very bad

So then I figured, there must be a whole lot of other really bad things with Barack Obama on them.

And it turns out there are enough bad things, just in a SINGLE search on a single site, that I could probably write a whole blog about it, and get rich!

So I’m going to do that. Before anyone else does. Because I thought of it first!

“Gay people should be allowed to be as miserable in marriage as straight people.”

But it always nagged at me. I’ve seen some really hilarious and/or awesome results from people who yearbooked themselves.

I was fucking around with the 2009 version today, and I just decided to commit myself to making it work. So I started with a glassesless picture of myself, and plugged it in. The rule was to use only that photo, with a scowl and no glasses, that I just took with my phone. I think the results are really great, once I embraced the David Lynchian terror of the whole project. I relaxed my expectation that I was going to hit on, say, ME ca.1956, and released myself into the creativity of making faces. Disturbing faces, many of them.

Here then, is the result

Yearbooked the hell out of myself

It started off by having my coffee ruined, by my lovely wife, who, it must be said claims not to have known that taking the first 16 ounces of coffee from a pot that’s in the process of brewing essentially renders the remainder unfit for Lutherans. Fine. She’ll never do that again, and I’ll never forget to set the auto-brew to go off in time to be done before she hurries off to work.

Then (heh. I’m realizing now I should just have left early to get a really great Americano, instead of bitching to you guys) I discover there’s only enough 1/2&1/2 for a single cup, and then I’m out. Wow. Coffee God hates me today.

Then blammo whammo everything (not literally!) goes wrong at work. Hard stuff to fix.

But the good thing is? I get the rest of the week off! Going to see a concert in Seattle tomorrow night, see if you can guess who it is!

If I was into rainbows and hearts and shit I’d put a bunch of hearts next to the song to prove how much I love/care about this song:

Ultra Violence and Beethoven Original.mp3

via Baby Monster on BIGSTEREO.